Enough

Written By Christine Hernandez

American Association of University Women

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while, but a graduate assistant at my last institution inspired me to write my thoughts down.  She delivered a speech this past May on the issue of being ‘enough.’

Entitled, “Barely a Lesbian, Hardly a Futch,” Caroline Pendry, former graduate assistant, bravely shared her experiences with the LGBTQ community as a student:

           “… last semester, when I was complaining to a friend about being called my              girlfriend’s “cute        little straight girl.” As any friend would do, she asked me why I cared. Why was I so bent out of shape? Who cares what “they” think? Of course I agreed. I was like, yeah, who cares what they think…

            But then I thought for a minute, and realized… it’s a really lonely feeling when you      don’t feel accepted by one group of people because you’re gay, or queer, or trans, or not conforming to some standard — and then you get dismissed from the group of people on the other side of the fence, who you thought would accept you. I told her, “It’s just a lonely place between one world and another.”

             I bet I can safely say that all of us in this room, have felt at one time or another, that we weren’t enough of something. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not feminist enough, not feminine enough, not masculine enough, or even — not queer enough.”

Caroline was right.  In that room, many of us were nodding our heads in agreement.  It was reassuring to know that I wasn’t the only one.  As a biracial woman living far from where I grew up, I feel like I’m constantly defending and validating my own presentation of my identity. 

The language is a large part of that struggle.  In my own experiences, I’ve been made to feel lesser than by all sides because I don’t speak the language that they expect from me.  My family history and personal experiences are never accounted for and I’m made to feel ashamed.  It doesn’t matter that I can cook the same food as my grandma did for me when I was young or that I do it to bring back the memory of my ancestors.  It feels almost like a religious experience each time because it feels like that part of me that was lost in my cross-country move is brought back, even if for a few hours. 

I’ve seen the silent hierarchy and divisions that can exist in campus communities.  While conducting a study involving heritage month programming, I noticed how frequently students would separate those who could speak Spanish and those who couldn’t.  There were other dividing factors and those changed from person to person.  I kept thinking, why?  Why divide and judge?  Why condone this but end an interview talking about the unity that comes out of Hispanic Heritage Month?  One student I interviewed spoke in detail about how some students were considered as less a part of the community because of certain characteristics.  Although she defended those “outcasts” and reassured me that she didn’t believe in the separation, she couldn’t fully stop what was happening.

Our community is often misrepresented as a monolithic culture when in fact we are a collection of narratives, histories, and experiences.  What makes being a part of this community so wonderful is that we have such a collection of narratives to share.  What has made my transition in the past, from attending a Hispanic Serving Institution (HSI) as an undergraduate student to a Predominately White Institution (PWI) as a graduate student to working in higher education and the nonprofit sector, so much easier is the support from my community.

With the intersectionality of our own identities- race, ethnicity, class, gender, sexual orientation, religion, region, and so much more- life is too complicated to create scales and classifications of what counts as part of the different communities that we are a member of.

I’ll end with a few more words from my former graduate assistant and now colleague, Caroline, that motivated the audience with the message that enough is enough, “It might be hard at first — but I believe an attempt at radical self-acceptance can turn the world around from the inside out. Once we begin to accept ourselves, we begin to accept others for who they are and for where they are…We are enough! You are enough! And I AM enough!”

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About the Author:

Christine Hernandez is the Manager of College/University Relationships at the American Association of University Women.  She earned her Master’s degree in Higher Education from the University of Pennsylvania and her Bachelor’s in English from California State University, Fullerton.