Enough

Written By Christine Hernandez

American Association of University Women

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while, but a graduate assistant at my last institution inspired me to write my thoughts down.  She delivered a speech this past May on the issue of being ‘enough.’

Entitled, “Barely a Lesbian, Hardly a Futch,” Caroline Pendry, former graduate assistant, bravely shared her experiences with the LGBTQ community as a student:

           “… last semester, when I was complaining to a friend about being called my              girlfriend’s “cute        little straight girl.” As any friend would do, she asked me why I cared. Why was I so bent out of shape? Who cares what “they” think? Of course I agreed. I was like, yeah, who cares what they think…

            But then I thought for a minute, and realized… it’s a really lonely feeling when you      don’t feel accepted by one group of people because you’re gay, or queer, or trans, or not conforming to some standard — and then you get dismissed from the group of people on the other side of the fence, who you thought would accept you. I told her, “It’s just a lonely place between one world and another.”

             I bet I can safely say that all of us in this room, have felt at one time or another, that we weren’t enough of something. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not feminist enough, not feminine enough, not masculine enough, or even — not queer enough.”

Caroline was right.  In that room, many of us were nodding our heads in agreement.  It was reassuring to know that I wasn’t the only one.  As a biracial woman living far from where I grew up, I feel like I’m constantly defending and validating my own presentation of my identity. 

The language is a large part of that struggle.  In my own experiences, I’ve been made to feel lesser than by all sides because I don’t speak the language that they expect from me.  My family history and personal experiences are never accounted for and I’m made to feel ashamed.  It doesn’t matter that I can cook the same food as my grandma did for me when I was young or that I do it to bring back the memory of my ancestors.  It feels almost like a religious experience each time because it feels like that part of me that was lost in my cross-country move is brought back, even if for a few hours. 

I’ve seen the silent hierarchy and divisions that can exist in campus communities.  While conducting a study involving heritage month programming, I noticed how frequently students would separate those who could speak Spanish and those who couldn’t.  There were other dividing factors and those changed from person to person.  I kept thinking, why?  Why divide and judge?  Why condone this but end an interview talking about the unity that comes out of Hispanic Heritage Month?  One student I interviewed spoke in detail about how some students were considered as less a part of the community because of certain characteristics.  Although she defended those “outcasts” and reassured me that she didn’t believe in the separation, she couldn’t fully stop what was happening.

Our community is often misrepresented as a monolithic culture when in fact we are a collection of narratives, histories, and experiences.  What makes being a part of this community so wonderful is that we have such a collection of narratives to share.  What has made my transition in the past, from attending a Hispanic Serving Institution (HSI) as an undergraduate student to a Predominately White Institution (PWI) as a graduate student to working in higher education and the nonprofit sector, so much easier is the support from my community.

With the intersectionality of our own identities- race, ethnicity, class, gender, sexual orientation, religion, region, and so much more- life is too complicated to create scales and classifications of what counts as part of the different communities that we are a member of.

I’ll end with a few more words from my former graduate assistant and now colleague, Caroline, that motivated the audience with the message that enough is enough, “It might be hard at first — but I believe an attempt at radical self-acceptance can turn the world around from the inside out. Once we begin to accept ourselves, we begin to accept others for who they are and for where they are…We are enough! You are enough! And I AM enough!”

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About the Author:

Christine Hernandez is the Manager of College/University Relationships at the American Association of University Women.  She earned her Master’s degree in Higher Education from the University of Pennsylvania and her Bachelor’s in English from California State University, Fullerton.

Entre La Familia y Carrera

(Between the Family and Career)

Written by Zaibis Muñoz
Pace University

Between the graduate assistantships, practicums and internships, I can say that grad school definitely prepared me to work in student affairs. Grad school allowed me to really be confident in my abilities and ready to be successful in my first position.


On the other hand, nothing prepared me to balance my passion and time investment in my new job with the stresses that were bound to happen in my personal life. As a latina and the oldest of three I have really been able to make my parents proud by going to college, grad school and now begin my lifetime work in a career that I enjoy. As I was establishing my own life, my parents were getting older and their lives were also changing.

As a Puerto Rican and the eldest child there seems to be an innate responsibility embedded in me to be there for my family, no matter the cost. We are taught that family is very important and that no matter what happens they will always be there for you, so you in turn do the same for your family. You grow up looking at the sacrifices that your parents make for you and when you get older you learn to make sacrifices in return for your family. Working in students affairs provides the opportunity to move around the country which can at times create large distance between you and your family. This leaves you often in a position where you are not able to immediately be there for your family to share moments of happiness or distress.

So now the question I’ve had to ask myself is how do I navigate the fine balance of being there for my family but not allowing this desire to help them overwhelm me as I try to succeed in my new position?

I pose this question because it has been something I have had to think about this year. We are taught to establish goals and go after them, but as a latina who is often sought out to act as a mediator and decision maker to my family members, I have to think of how far I want to be and for how long.

One would think that the biggest transition out of grad school would be maybe the new city, or the new job or the new institutional culture but it’s actually been the easier components of my year. In January mi mami shared with me she had cancer and it was the first time that I really felt just how far away I was from my family.

In that moment when you find out such unfortunate news you want to run to arms that can comfort you and that know you. Yet, who can be that for you when you are 1200 miles from home and are still getting to know the “family” that you work along side with. Thankfully my work “family” was very supportive through all of this and allowed me to be there for my mom this year and although my work did not suffer it really made me think of all the things that I cannot immediately be there for my family. This year was about juggling judicials, surgery, occupancy, biopsies, programming, chemo therapy, and recruitment. Making sure all the while I was able to keep my emotions in check. My days were endless roller coasters this year. I would wake up and have a productive, developmental day with my students at work only to receive a call from Mami telling me that she is struggling to pay for her chemo, or crying because she is losing her hair or is being rushed to the hospital. Knowing that I could not run to the hospital to be with her or even hug her through her tears really tore me apart this year. Suddenly talking to a student about a roommate conflict over who left hair in the drain was hard to focus on.

One of the most important things that I learned this year was that having a workplace that is supportive of you in your personal life is very important to me. It is probably one of my top “non-negotiable” items on my wish list when it comes to selecting a new job. This is a risky thing to be at the top of my list because it is hard to know this about a new staff before you start but I asked many questions and really connected with the staff and trusted that the support would be there. Knowing that my peers as well as my supervisors were concerned with my physical and mental well-being really helped me get through those challenging days. Another piece to that was, knowing when I needed to ask for that extra support. I was blessed this year to work with a co-residence director that was also a really good friend and I was able to not only vent about my stress at times, but depend on him when I had to fly home to tend to my family. I had to ask for help in completing projects and know that I was not superwoman and could not do it all alone.

Another vital life lesson that I learned this year was, knowing when to say no to my family. As much as I want to immediately be there to help solve my family’s problems I had to worry about my own stress level and how it would directly impact my job. Knowing your own limits and what you can handle is important to be able to function at work. It is often a hard thing to explain to your family that you cannot afford to send them money or why you cannot take a phone call during the day. We all know how difficult it is for your family to understand what it is that you do, let alone that you cannot fly home during the summer because you have to work even though there are no students in the building. It is all about what compromises you want to make in either your job or with your family that you will be ok with at the end of the day.

The familism that is placed upon latino culture conflicts at times with our career goals and learning the balance and coping with the added stress is a lesson that I cherish from this year. The last important lesson that I learned was that having friends and colleagues within the same field is a great support system that allows you to talk about feelings, anxieties and fears. Find a friend, someone you can trust that you know will be there to listen and encourage you when you need it. As I continue this journey and mami continues her treatment I can only keep learning more valuable life lessons and about the work/life balance phenomena.
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About the Author

Zaibis Muñoz is a Residence Director in the Office of Housing and Residential Life at Pace University- NYC Campus. She earned her Master's degree in College Student Affairs with a concentration in Conflict Analysis Resolution from Nova Southeastern University, and her Bachelor's in Religion with a minor in Theories and Politics of Sexuality from the University of Florida.